


Poker Night

by JoyHeart



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-08
Updated: 2012-11-08
Packaged: 2017-11-18 05:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/557237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyHeart/pseuds/JoyHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGGhrXtpLzE&feature=plcp</p><p>^ This work is a transliteration of this youtube video. I had permission of the youtube user AvatarKayla to post this story, and I highly recommend looking at the original cosplay sketch. It was quite humourous. </p><p>That said...</p><p>On a winter's night, America, Prussia and Russia gather around a table and have a game of Poker. Then Russia tells a folktale to Liechtenstein causing America to lose what little manners he had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Poker Night

**Author's Note:**

> This work was previously posted and can also be found on Fanfiction.net under my account of the same penname.

It was a cold, dark winter night in the USA, with a raging blizzard billowing across the land. But inside America's cabin a fire crackled merrily in the fireplace and everything was quite warm, especially at the table where America sat with Prussia and Russia, having quite a good game of poker with empty beer and vodka bottles lying around them. Good because America was winning, and as long as the hero was winning it had to be good, right? Even if that Commie bastard was just behind him...

"Alfred, give me two," Prussia looked at Alfred who smirked back.

"Alrighty, two cards," he handed them over. "Alright gents, bet's to you Gilbert."

"Alright, the awesome me's got 20 Euros," Prussia grinned and slid a bill onto the table.

"Da, I have 20 Rubles," Russia blinked and smiled, sliding his money in as well.

"Dudes, check this, I raise you all a Big Mac!" America grinned, slamming the burger down in front of him. Where it had come from the other two did not know, and judging by the normal quality of McDonald's food, America likely didn't know precisely where it came from either, except that a cow was involved at some point. Probably.

"Yech, I fold," Prussia muttered, throwing down his cards and leaning his face onto his hands. He'd been losing hard all night, what the hell was with that? He was too awesome for this stupid game.

Russia smiled at America and slid a bill onto the table. "I raise you a dollar, da?" Russia announced. America recognised the bill as one of his own, though there were some dark brown stains on it that seemed to gleam a little red... Russia grinned happily at him.

"Wh-wha- what's wrong with that- what is ON that? That... that's the blood of freedom isn't it? AW! Well you know what? Fine! Fine, I raise you TWO dollars!" America slammed his money down in front of him. "Let's see'em _commie_."

Before Russia could even move to show his hand, America jumped to fling down his own which consisted of the ace of spades and four nines. "Read'em and weep! Four of a kind!" America tipped back a swig of beer and gave Russia his cockiest grin.

Russia merely shrugged and placed down his cards. All hearts. "A Royal Flush. I believe I win, da?"

America's jaw dropped and he stammered something unintelligible before bursting out into rage. "WHAT? You so cheated! There is no way you won! I made poker! You freaking cheated! This is ridiculous... GILBERT! Why the hell did you invite him to poker night?" The albino jolted out of the sleepy alcohol induced haze and gave America a bemused look.

"I didn't invite him."

America's eye twitched and his gaze went back to Russia, his eyes narrowing in dislike.

"I hope you choke on that Big Mac."

Russia merely continued to smile and drum his fingers on top of the burger bun, indenting the surface slightly. He had no intention of eating such disgusting food of course, but it was the thought that counts, da?

Suddenly footsteps were heard on the stairs and the three nations turned to see a little blond girl with a blanket wrapped around her descending them, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"Gilbert? Why is it so loud down here?" Liechtenstein asked, stifling a yawn.

Prussia looked at Liechtenstein for a second and then made an odd grunting sound, sliding his face down behind his arm. He was too drunk to deal with this, and way too awesome, seriously.

America's head whipped around to stare at Prussia. "Why is Liechtenstein at poker night? Was she supposed to play too?"

Prussia groaned, rubbing his forehead as he worked past his inebriation to answer. "Er... Swiss asked West... and West asked me... to babysit?"

America stared at Prussia for a moment longer before turning back to the small blond country wearing his best please-ignore-the-three-drunk- and-gambling-men-in-front-of-you-sweety grin.

"Hey Liechtenstein! Uh, sorry about waking you up!" America paused, grin plastered on his face and having no idea what to say to make her go back upstairs. And damn it, if Prussia was babysitting he should be the one to get rid of her, right?

After some silence, Liechtenstein bit her lip and slowly approached Russia. "R-Russia, could you tell me a story?" she asked quietly.

"Da!" Russia said warmly, looking pleased. America's eye twitched again. Why would anyone EVER ask Russia to tell them a story?

"HEY! No ghost stories!" America snapped, slamming his hands on the table and staring Russia in the eyes.

"Don't worry, I won't be scaring _you_ America," Russia said with a pleasant tone, though with a taunting look in his eyes.

"Whatever," America muttered, drawing his hands back and looking away from the Russian whose gaze returned to the girl.

"Don't worry, Russia will tell you a ghos- good story, da?" Russia smiled, ruffling Liechtenstein's hair and gesturing for her to go sit by the fire. As Russia rose to join her, America stood as well and got into the larger nation's face.

"No seriously, no ghost stories!"

"Oh shut up," Russia said with his ever present smile as he walked to the fire and sat down crossed legged beside the small girl who had drawn her knees up to her chest. Prussia managed to haul himself onto the couch and was asleep in an instant, snoring loudly. America deposited his butt right next to the fireplace, poking at the embers with a stick.

Once Russia was sure everyone was quiet (except for Prussia's snores, but that couldn't be helped) he began his tale.

"Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was sent out to the woods by her step mother and evil step sister to fetch firewood for the cold winter. She got lost out in the woods and met up with the Queen's guard. He was out searching for a Christmas tree-"

"Christmas? There's Santa in this story, right?" America butted in.

"No," Russia turned a smile on America briefly before continuing unabated, America losing interest again and staring back at the fire, trying to get one piece of wood to light. (he was thinking ' _die commie wood die'_ as he did this)

"The guard told her the story of the twelve seasons, one man for every month. Each year-"

"One of them was Santa, right?"

"No," Russia said, his smile now twitched a little when he looked at America, who rolled his eyes and turned back to the fire. At last the wood he'd been working on caught. (His thought at this was _'Ha! Taste the fires of freedom, sucker!'_ )

Russia went on, "Each year they would have a magical gathering and they invited one human child with the purest of heart to come celebrate with them."

At this America sent Russia an amused smirk that Russia returned with annoyance sparking in in his eyes, though he did not pause in his story telling.

"Now on the way back home from the forest, on the coldest night, of the coldest day, of the coldest year, the little girl got lost in the woods." Liechtenstein's eyes widened and she looked at Russia with full attention, even whispering a tiny 'oh no!' Russia's annoyance fled, glad to have such interest. "And on that night, a wolf came out from the woods and chased the little girl, going deep into the forest. And he nearly killed her, and she nearly froze from the cold..." at this Liechtenstein was shivering and America leaned over and smacked Russia on the shoulder. Russia felt his 'kolkolkol's rising in his throat.

"Hey! Don't scare her!"

"Shut up, this is getting good!" Russia snapped in irritation, forcing himself back to the story and away from thoughts of beating America unconscious with his water pipe. "And the little girl saw a light in the middle of the forest-"

"Is that Santa?"

"No America, that is not Santa," Russia said with a sigh of upmost exasperation, rubbing his temples. He honestly had no idea how England dealt with this ridiculous child pretending to be a grown man. Cracking his knuckles, Russia managed to find will to go on without missing a beat.

"And she ran toward the light. And in that light there were twelve merry men singing and dancing around a fire. The little girl wandered in close and tried to warm herself by the fire's edge. And all the men said 'Welcome! We've been waiting for you!'" Russia paused for dramatic effect, but it seemed America thought the story was over.

"Your story was lame dude, no Santa or anything," America snorted, pulling out a s'more he'd apparently made and taking a bite out of it. The marsh mellow was a bit charred, but it still tasted good.

Russia glared at America, but suddenly Liechtenstein spoke up. "I like the story," she said.

"Da, see? It is a _children's_ story, like Vinni Puh," Russia smirked defiantly at America.

America chewed his s'more slowly, staring at Russia until he swallowed enough to speak (though he still sprayed crumbs), "Like _what_?"

"Vinni Puh," Russia repeated, wondering how America could be so stupid.

"Dude, no, it's _Winnie_ _the Pooh_ , say it with me. _Win_ nie, the Pooh."

" _Vinni_ Puh, it's a _Russian_ tale," Russia snapped in exasperation.

"Shut up, it's not a _Russian_ tale it's an _American_ tale!"

"The Russians did it better, da?"

"The Russian's NEVER do anything better! Name one thing you've done well, that you've taken from another country and done well!"

"Space travel."

"Oh yeah, space travel, hmm, now wait _who's_ been on the moon?"

"Urg..."

"Whose flag is on there?"

"You're not looking at this the right w-"

"Wait, wait, WHOSE flag is on there?"

Russia was silent, glaring stonily at America.

"That's right! Stars and Stripes, Stars and Stripes!" America sang, pumping his fists in the air in victory.

"It's still Vinni Puh!"

"Winnie the Pooh," America sang, still in his victory dance hands.

"Vinni Puh."

"And Piglet, and Eeyore…"

"Vinni Puh."

"You'd make a _really_ good Eeyore actually," America said, looking at Russia as if he was actually considering it. Russia scoffed and turned his head away, quite done with this pointless argument which he is starting to think he might have actually lost...

As Russia's eyes looked anywhere but at the celebrating American, his gaze fell to Liechtenstein who seemed to have fallen asleep on the floor. Russia smiled softly. Such a sweet girl... he wished he could keep her at his house but of course Switzerland would come after her and small as he was he was quite strong. Russia did not want to be his enemy. With a deep sigh, he got up and lifted the small girl from the ground.

"Hey! What're you doing to that girl you commie bastard?" America spat.

"Don't worry America, I am only taking her to bed," Russia muttered darkly, rolling his eyes at the arrogant country with his mouth full of his third s'more. He carried Liechtenstein to the stairs and up them, depositing her in the bedroom and carefully tucking the blankets in around her. Such a sweet little girl. It was really too bad he could not finish his folktale, perhaps some other time.

Russia suddenly smiled, recalling America's outbursts earlier at the table. Perhaps he could get his revenge...

A HALF HOUR LATER

America was lying in front of the fire with a beer. He was drunk, warm and happy. Until he heard a tapping sound echoing in the room.

"Huh? There's who?" America slurred, eyes trying to find the source of the tapping.

"America..." came a deep, creepy voice from beyond his vision. Why was everything so blurry? Had he drank so much?

"America..." the voice came again. America started to shake.

"I-I demand you identify yourself! The hero demands it damn it!" America cried, sitting up and drawing in his legs, looking around the blurry room.

From behind the couch where Prussia was soundly asleep, Russia sniggered, knowing exactly what to say. "I am a ghost America, and I'm coming to get you!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEKK!" America screamed louder than Russia would've thought possible. He jumped up, ignoring the glasses that had fallen on the floor and now cracked under his feet as he ran blindly for the door, smacking into it before hauling it open and dashing into the snow. Prussia snorted and jolted awake, staring up at Russia who had stood by this point.

"What the hell?" Prussia asked with a glare.

"Oh, America is drunk and now thinks his house is haunted so he went running into the snowstorm without glasses, coat or shoes," Russia smiled.

"And I got woken up for that? Phht," Prussia rolled over and closed his eyes again. Russia could still hear America's screams in the distance through the window pane.

"Prussia? What was that noise?" Liechtenstein was back downstairs again.

Prussia muttered something unintelligible and the blond girl's eyes moved to Russia. Russia smiled serenely back.

"Do not worry, I doubt there will be any more noise tonight, da."

Liechtenstein looked a little uneasy. "It... um... do you think we could call Vash and ask him to come pick me up?"

"Nyet," Russia smiled, "He will come when he comes, just go back to bed, da?"

"O-okay," Liechtenstein mumbled, ascending the stairs and wondering what was so important that Vash had to leave her with three drunken men for a whole night.

MEANWHILE IN AUSTRIA

"Ah, ah Swiss! AH!"

"Damn it Austria!"

"Eek, this is so... I can't take it!" Hungary squealed, wiping her nosebleed.

"Um, Hungary, Swiss is only helping me move my piano..."

**END**


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